Harvard future 1%: You're doing it wrong

This "occupy" crap has made its way to Harvard, which is both hilarious and sad. A bunch of Harvard kids, you know, the all-valedictorian crowd, are camping out on the quad to protest... something. If that weren't funny enough, you can't join the protest unless you're a student there. Even the civil disobedience requires admission!

But here's the thing: These silver spoon super-nerds are supposed to be my replacement. When I'm 40 and retired on my yacht, these geeks are supposed to be managing my retirement accounts. They're the future 1%. It's their job to keep me at the top and keep the 99% down. That's how it works.

Those of us in the 1% spend all day trying to make sure we're keeping the rest down. If any of the little people can afford a car as nice as mine, then that means there's less money for me. That's clearly not acceptable. I work my ass off to make sure that I have an advantage over those people, and I want to keep it. Someone has to mow my lawn and clean my toilets.

So listen up, Harvard dweebs. Pack up your fucking Eddie Bauer tents and get back to work. Put this liberal hippie bullshit behind you and take your place in the world, up here where the air is crisp, and the view fantastic. You'll realize that you're being young and stupid soon enough.