My name is Dirk Howlwell, and I am the 1%. I manage money on Wall Street, and won't apologize for it. Want more? Check out our archives.
My Penthouse maid (she's my maid, and has been in Penthouse) was just complaining to me about some woman at Target who was paying for feminine hygiene products using a check. I make too much money to shop there, but my maid is trying to pay for school or something, so at least she's got a plan.
But back the woman with a check. Really? I didn't think anyone wrote checks anymore. We have these awesome plastic cards now, where you swipe them, and the merchant gets money from your checking account. They're called debit cards, and when you use them, you're not that asshole holding up the line to write a check.
Then I realized... we're not charging people to write checks. We've been so busy trying to up our debit card fees that we missed the most obvious fee! The best part is that it's mostly old people who write checks, and they fear change, so they'll just sit there and take it. Brilliant.
I have to go write a memo...