My name is Dirk Howlwell, and I am the 1%. I manage money on Wall Street, and won't apologize for it. Want more? Check out our archives.
So I'm driving through the crowd of slackers on Wall Street today on the way into work, when some jackass puts his jobless hipster hands on my BMW. I didn't realize it until after I parked, but he put a sticker on my window with a URL to his Facebook page: Occupy SeaWorld.
Now, I understand if you feel like a have-not, because of what you may not have, but SeaWorld? The page has this little nugget:
"A page dedicated to exposing the corporate greed, whale laundering and cetacean exploitation within marine parks, an industry that operates under a façade of education and awareness."
Whale laundering? Is that some intrusive method of washing Shamu's undercarriage? You morons are one step away from the PETA nutjobs who are trying to invoke the 13th Amendment claiming the whales are slaves.
Even though it seems like a waste of money to me, I'd like to see what you do when they rescue some sea turtle, nurse him back to health and send him on his merry way. You see everything in black and white, like capitalism and conservation can't coexist.
Enjoy your sushi, dickheads.